What Muslims Should Know About the Wedding Night and Beyond

There are desirable acts that the newlywed are encouraged to perform on their wedding night, and there are also prohibited acts which they are to avoid.



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Desirable Acts
* It is a desirable Sunnah that the groom puts his hand on the bride’s head and pray for her. The Prophet (SAW) taught us to say:

"O Allah, I ask You her goodness, and the goodness of the inborn dispositions which You have given her, and I solicit Your protection from her evil, and the evil of the inborn dispositions which You have given her." (Related by Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

The groom may make this supplication aloud or silently.

* It is desirable that they pray two rakat together (bride behind groom), and then make a supplication after the prayer. The Prophet (SAW) said:

"Verily, affection is from Allah and repugnance is from Satan who wants you to hate what Allah has allowed to you. So when your wife comes to you, ask her to pray two rakat behind you, and then say: ‘O Allah, bless my wife for me, and bless me for her. O Allah, unite between us in good, and if You separate us, separate us in good.’" (Related by Abu Shaybah)

* The groom is encouraged to please his bride and treat her with kindness. It is a Sunnah that he presents to her something to drink or eat. Asma Bint Yazeed (RA) said:

"I adorned Aisha (RA) for her wedding night, so the Prophet (SAW) came to her side and brought a big cup of milk from which he drank and then presented it to her, but she blushed and lowered her head." (Related by Ahmad)

* It is permissible that they take off all their clothes and be completely naked, but it is better for them to be under a common sheet, for the Prophet (SAW) said:

"Verily Allah is modest and discreet and He likes modesty and discretion." (Related by Ahmad, Al-Tirmidhi, and Abu Dawud)

* The couple is encourage to engage in foreplay before having intercourse. The Prophet (SAW) said:

"One of you should not fall upon his wife like the animal does, let there be a messenger between them.’ He was asked: ‘And what is the messenger?’ He said: ‘Kissing and talking.’" (Related by Al-Daylami)

This indicates that the man should seek to satisfy his wife’s desires as she satisfies his.

* Before starting intercourse, it is a Sunnah to make the following supplication:

"In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep Satan away from that (the offspring) which You grant us." (Related by Al-Bukhari)

* They are free to have intercourse in any position (in the vagina) they wish, as Allah (SWT) says:

"Your wives are as a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus) when or how you will…" (Al-Baqarah 2:223)

* They are free to have intercourse anytime they wish, but moderation is advised and sexual activity should not become an obsession as it may take over other activities of life. Having intercourse on the night before Friday is desirable as the Prophet (SAW) said:

"Whoever makes ghusl on Friday to clean himself from janabah (impurity due to having intercourse), then left for prayer, it is as if he offered a camel in sacrifice." (Related by Al-Bukhari)

* After intercourse, it is desired that they take a bath (ghusl) before going to sleep. If this presents a hardship on them, they should perform ablution and can postpone ghusl until before Fajr prayer. If they want to have intercourse a second time, it is desirable that the man performs ablution first, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

"If one of you had intercourse with his wife and then wants to come to her again, it is better for him to perform ablution, for it gives him vigor to come again." (Related by Muslim)



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Prohibited Acts the Couple Must Avoid

* It is unlawful for them to speak about (or otherwise mention) anything that happened between them in intimacy. The Prophet (SAW) said:

"Among those who will be in the worst position in Allah’s sight on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then he spreads her secret." (Related by Muslim)

* It is strictly unlawful for the couple to engage in sodomy, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

"Cursed is the one who comes to his wife in her anus." (Related by Ahmad and Abu Dawud)

A man asked Ibn Abbas (RA) about one engaging in sodomy with his wife, and Ibn Abbas (RA) said:

"This man is asking me about Kufr."

* It is forbidden for the husband to have intercourse with his wife during her menstruating period and childbirth bleeding, as Allah (SWT) says:

"They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them until they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath)…" (Al-Baqarah 2:222)

* The woman should not voluntarily fast, before asking permission from her husband, as this deprives him from having intercourse with her. This of course excludes the obligatory fasting such as Ramadan, or when she has to make up for the days she did not fast during Ramadan.