The Etiquette of Engagement

It is encouraged prior to the proposal, that the man sees of the intended woman that which will encourage him to marry her Jabir ibn Abdullah (RA) said concerning his wife:

"(Before marrying her) I used to hide behind a tree to see her."

The Prophet (SAW) said:

"When one of you intends to marry a woman, if he is able to look at what would induce him to marry her, he should do so." (Related by Abu Dawud)

There are however rules concerning seeing the woman, that they both should respect:

* The man’s intention of marriage should be sincere. He should not seek to see the woman, until he is satisfied about her other attributes such as her religion, morality and character, in such a way that he is inclined to marry her, and looking at her is for him the last step toward this decision.

* He should first send a woman from his family, who he trusts, to see the woman he intends to marry and describe her to him.

* The woman’s wali should not allow the man proposing to her, to look at the woman unless he is completely satisfied about him.

* The woman’s wali should not hide from the proposing man any defects he knows about the woman.

* The man is allowed to see the face and the hands of the woman he intends to marry. If he wants specific information about her physical appearance, he may send one of his Mahram woman to inquire about it, and describe it to him. There is no sin on him to look intently at her to confirm his desire to marry her.

* He does not have to ask her permission to look at her, but it is better that he does it without her knowledge if he can. This way, if for any reason, he changes his mind, this will not hurt her feelings.

* When the man and the woman accept to marry each other and become fiancee, this does not change their position with respect to each other. They are still considered strangers (non-Mahram) to each other and what is unlawful to the non-Mahram is unlawful to them. This especially concerns: looking at each other, being alone together, going out together. Their relation to each other changes when, and only when the marriage contract is consummated.