Opposite Sex Friends, God's Mercy, Praying Incorrectly, Husband's Last Name, Legal Divorce vs. Islamic Divorce

Q 1. Is it wrong for two people of the opposite sex to be very good friends at school and outside of school?
A 1. Muslims should have good relations with all people, males as well as females. At school, at work, in you neighborhood etc. you should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. Such friendship often leads to Haram. In the Qurâan Allah subhanahu wa taâala mentioned that good men and women are those who marry, do not have fornicating relationships and do not have "paramours" ("akhdan" see al-Nisaâ 4:25; al-Maâidah 5:5). "Akhdan" are "sweethearts" or for a man a "mistress" and for a woman a "lover". The Prophet -peace be upon him- said, whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them. (al-Tirmidhi, 1091)

Q 2. Allah subhanahu wa taâala will put some people into Hell fire for eternity on the Day of Judgment. How can I explain to a non-Muslim that my God is Merciful when some people will be condemned forever?

A 2. Allah subhanahu wa taâala is indeed very Merciful, Loving and Compassionate, but He is also Just and Severe in punishment. According to the Qurâan, Allah is "Forgiver of sins, Accepter of repentance, the Stern in punishment, the Powerful" (al-Muâmin 40:3). It is wrong to accept only some aspect of Allah and ignore or negate some other aspects. When people believe only in the love of Allah and ignore His justice and power they become careless and do whatever they wish. When people believe in the justice and power of Allah and ignore His love and compassion they become hermits and monks and run away from the world and its enjoyments. Islam teaches us a balanced life and so it teaches us both aspects of Allahâs Being.

Allah created human beings and He gave them everything for their existence. He guided them through His Prophets and Messengers and gave them all the possibilities to be good and faithful, but if they still reject Him and turn away from Him, then He does not care for them. Such people by their own actions have made themselves unworthy of His love and compassion. He warned them again and again that the consequences of their sins and rebellion will be severe, but if they did not pay any attention to Him, so why should He show any mercy to such ungrateful, stubborn, and evil creatures. Allah says in the Qurâan: "O human being, what has deceived you about your Lord Most Beneficent? Him Who created you, fashioned you in due proportion, and made you right; and in whatever form He willed for you, He set you. But no, you do deny the Day of Judgment! Indeed over you are keeping watch the honorable beings; writing down (your deeds). They know what you do. The Righteous will be in Bliss; and the Wicked will be in the Fire, which they will enter on the Day of Judgment."(al-Ifitar 82:6-15) And Allah says, "We wronged them not, but they it was who did the wrong." (al-Zukhruf 43:76)

Q 3. People learn to pray differently from all different countries worldwide. If a Muslim prays in an incorrect manner knowingly, will the prayer still count? (i.e. sitting the wrong way, bowing improperly, etc.)

A 3. The Salat should be performed in its prescribed manner on its appointed times. There are some minor differences in the Madhahib (Schools of Jurisprudence) in the way of performing the Salat, but all those differences are based on different Ahadith and the careful interpretations of the trustworthy jurists (Fiqaha'). We can follow any of those trustworthy jurists, but we are not allowed to introduce any new method of Salat or to do the Salat as we wish. For example, one can hold oneâs hands in the standing position on oneâs chest or navel or one can leave them down on oneâs sides, but one is not allowed to hold them behind oneâs back or raise them on oneâs head. It is Haram to change the form of prayer deliberately. Any one who knowingly changes the form of prayer and does not follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, his/her prayers are not valid and in fact such person will incur the sin and anger of Allah.

Q 4. Concerning names, is a woman supposed to change her family name to her husband's name after marriage as it is in the West? What is the method of naming children in Islam: first, second and family name?

A 4. It is permissible for a woman to change her last name after marriage. A woman can introduce herself or others can introduce her as the wife of so and so. In the Ahadith we see that the Prophetâs wives were sometimes refered to with the names of their fathers and sometimes as "wife of the Prophet". These things are more based on cultural practices and whatever is convenient can be done. What is forbidden in Islam is that a person refer to him/herself as the son or daughter of someone other than the real biological father. Allah says in the Qur'an, "Proclaim their parentage; that is more equitable in the sight of Allah‰¥Ï" (al-Ahzab 33:5). The Prophet -peace be upon him- said, "Whosoever will claim the name of anyone other than his father will not even get the smell of Paradise‰¥Ï" (Ibn Majah, Hadith no. 2601)

Q 5. If a man has given a woman a legal divorce (i.e. signed divorce papers) but not an Islamic divorce, is her marriage still valid? What should a woman do if her husband refuses to divorce her according to the Islamic Shariâah?

A 5. If a man divorced his wife legally according to the US law, then she is also divorced from him according to Islamic law. Once a husband divorces his wife, it is Islamic divorce, whether he does it by filing a legal document in the court or by saying the words of divorce to her or by writing them for her. It is not correct to say that one is giving a legal divorce and not an Islamic divorce. When a man initiates a divorce legally, it automatically becomes an Islamic divorce.

The problem comes only when a woman takes a legal divorce from the non-Islamic court and her husband refused to give her an Islamic divorce. In this situation she should contact her local Islamic center or some Muslim scholars to see how she can obtain an Islamic divorce.