Muslim Husband - Non-Muslim Wife

Question:
I am married to a Muslim. I was raised Catholic. I have read extensively on Islam and find great beauty and truth in what I read. I do have problems with segregations of the sexes (not with adultry which I believe is very wrong or with pre-marital sex which I believe is not a wise way to find happiness.) I do Ramadan, never have alcohol in our home but do enjoy a very occasional drink with my family or friends.

My husband can be very badgering and bullying regarding my spiritual live. He often tells me that I don't really believe, calls non muslims "you people" says music, dance, theatre is wrong (but watches hours of television).

Am I not allowed to remain a Christian. Does it say in the Koran that Muslims are allowed to marry people of the book but then they must convert or act exactly like muslims and totally disregard their culture and religion. Must my children, even if I agree that they will be brought up as muslims not be allowed to go to ballet class or become musicians or actors etc. Do the children have to brought up as Muslims or can they choose can I teach them about both religions. I feel that I bend over backward to understand my husband's culture and Islam. I am truly grateful for the insights my studying has brought me and expect for the dour, bossy attitude (I am sorry to say I encounter with my husband and almost every Muslim I have met) I may have converted already. I feel that my marriage has been destroyed because of religion.

Yours xxx

PS My husband doesn't mind cheating the tax system, stealing things from work, drinking himself sometimes but denying it.

PPS He also finds it a great sin to any affection to me or even acknowledge my existance in front of his friends or family. Holding hands with me in public or even giving me a peck on the cheek in the privacy of our car if he is dropping me off somewhere is a great wrong in his interpretation of Islam.
Christine



Response:
Hello xxx

To be extremely blunt... your husband is not unlike many muslims who talk about Islam and criticize others, but never bother to take a deep look at themselves. They can talk highly about Islam (often a distorted understanding of it), but can't seem to walk the Islamic walk. This is a sad fact about muslims.

Marrying a non-muslim and then criticizing her faith is absolutely un-Islamic, this is not allowed at all. Non-muslim wives are to be allowed to follow their religion without any harassment or creating any difficulties for them. He does not seem to know anything about Islam's teaching about respecting all religions. Worse still is that he does not see that it is his own actions that are pushing you away from Islam.

Human nature is weak, and it is easier to criticize others than to take an honest look at our selves. You have mentioned very good examples of double standards, and it takes a mature and fair-minded person to recognize such things. If we could be objective about ourselves, we would not have the gall to ridicule or criticize anyone.

My personal opinion is that it is lack of knowledge about the depth of Islam that makes people so rigid, judgmental and blind. Usually such people are suffering from an identity crisis... they are unable to integrate Islam in their lives and are struggling with it... creating this crisis of what they view as unIslamic... but can't seem to resist it either.

Raising your children as muslims is his responsibility, and children are very sharp in picking up inconsistencies.

There is no prohibition in spouses showing affection to each other, in public (within the bounds of modesty) or private.

Follow what your heart/mind guides you to do with honesty and integrity.

Regards
Uzma Mazhar